person 1: “hey i got a new job making the cube ( ) and it pays a ton of money!”

person 2: “hey congrats! that’s awesome!”


person 1: “hey i ran a 50 miler!”

person 2: (with derision) “why the fuck would you do that?”


I ran a really good 10k today 2 weeks after a 50. the morning was cold and I felt like crap but I knew one thing: when I got going everything would be fine. and it was! …except for the nagging discomfort with being proud enough of my efforts to mention it. I understand that the reflection of disdain I get is really not a reflection at all but a window into someone else’s insecurity, fear and even cowardice…but how can everyone be like this? why do I get this kind of response so often? isn’t there someone who can hear about an accomplishment without comparing themselves to it? where is the respect that comes with accomplishment? so often I get “oh I could never do that”. im really pretty much done talking about it. ill write here because this is where I put my true feelings but at work or among my friends im done trying to help and inspire. no one wants it.

ever since i started working at the clinic all i see is rot. people who claim to love their god slowly turn the only and perfect gift they were given into shit…and it is unforgivable to admonish them! the entire culture surrounding their malaise is one of denial. i can’t usually talk about how running has made me into a new and healthier man. no one wants to hear it! …not even at running events! they just want to win the lotto…and rot somewhere nicer.

why cant we take a break from all this greed and take care of our bodies? for free! how is it that i feel embarrassed after mentioning that i am not paid -in fact i pay- for my efforts?

i know well that my investment is real and pays immediate dividends. “why?” why? that is why. blood flow and profusion to the trillions of cells in my body. to breathe HARD! to work and for my heart to pump and to see what i can do! how fast can I go? how far can I go? to live fully. to be free in the moment. to float in the sweet realization of my beginner’s mind fully focused on one single point at the instant of foot contact. no depression and no disease.

“i hate running”. do you hate living?

at the end of their lives some are bitter as if they deserve better. some are bitter and want to take everyone else down with them. but some do finally realize that they ARE free and can let go and savor every breath. it is so sad that for so many this realization requires a terrible prognosis. it should have been realized much much sooner with a little effort.




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