yesterday there was an outpouring of grief. i shared grief with people with whom i have no one else in common and it was the number one story on google news for most of the day. David Bowie is dead. i feel hurt, i really do. i have never felt this way towards someone i haven’t met. it feels like the loss of family. it’s amazing how much people loved him and never said…in irony like the prophet he liked to mock…but more. David was proof to the intuition that our bodies are inhabited by an alien consciousness. this is our guru…our alien looking out through our own eyes.

i dont want to feel this way because i am becoming too familiar with it. i want this feeling to go away and now know it never will. the first time i really saw him other than on album covers was on a video we watched at Sean’s house. it was David as Ziggy in the live movie filmed in 1973. i was shocked at the look but the music was excellent…and David was so confident in his sexuality looking androgynous but more feminine that i could not feel disdain or disapproval (which i felt for almost everything at the time). i loved how he could always say fuck all but i did not become a huge fan of his work until it felt more personal for me with the ambience of Heroes, Station to Station and Low …and then Scary Monsters…which was enough desert island material to last me through the next ten years of mostly pop that i didn’t like a whole lot (except, of course for China Girl). i remember blaring Scary Monsters in the dorm and it sounded so nice resonating down the concrete hallway i would stand in the hall listening or play hackey sack against the walls. i didnt hear Outside until i had already heard some songs from Earthling but it was probably Sean who pointed it out and i got hooked after a couple of listens. far more experimental and dark that any of his previous work DB enter a new realm with this one. the addition of Reeves Gabrels on guitar created a whole new sound for Bowie and while Outside may have been his least popular work, it has probably received the most critical acclaim. Earthling‘s frantic electronic drums turned me off a little but the songs are still great. Hours calmed me down and reminded me who i was while Heathen also reminded me of our dark world. Reality has been a little hit and miss with me but that’s fine because even if the rest of it is dressing for New Killer Star that’s just fine…then unexpectedly 10 years later, reminding us that we cannot let go of our freedom, The Next Day came out. I knew it was going to be good and am still not disappointed…but Blackstar is a final letter to his fans. with all kinds of suggestions about death he bravely sticks to his guns pointing out all that is an abusive cult instead of finally giving in. i love him for that. for being true to himself and for expressing such heartfelt personal feeling in his songs even at the end. it’s no wonder so many people feel a strong sense of loss. RIP David. your fans will never forget you!


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