the intruder

last saturday night or to be more precise, sunday morning at about 2am i awoke to the sound of the house alarm going off. shortly thereafter i found a disheveled young woman fumbling with the alarm console. when the woman saw me she went “ooooh!” and drunkenly tried to explain to me that she is from the alarm company. “i am from are, uh acer security” she said. it was strange and seemed like she was trying to make me laugh or something. i was pretty pissed and started to grill her. i was pretty sure she was unarmed so i asked her how she got in and wtf was she doing in my house. by that time ML was there so two to one at least. it’s kinda funny because i wasn’t thinking about protecting ML, rather that she would fight alongside me if necessary. it took me a minute or two to conclusively determine that the intruder was not someone i know and by then she realized i wasn’t either buying or enjoying her security gig and she backed off saying her name was julie and telling us her address and that she lost her purse somewhere outside. i went around the house with her once looking for julie’s purse with a flashlight (not totally ready for anything but keeping her in front and in view) but we could not find anything so we went back in and i told her to sit down and drink some water. she actually took off her shoes which helped me relax a little. ML was on the phone with dispatch by then but they had a couple of emergencies and we didnt feel in danger so i told her to stay where she was. the woman who said she was julie was starting to cry and looked frightened. i told her that she would be ok and that we would get her home. ML watched her as i went outside and walked around the block. about three houses up i heard someone weakly calling someone so i went around to the alley where i saw two people looking around in the dark. “julie?” she called weakly trying not to wake anyone. unseen i announced in a louder tone. “do you know julie? ” …”yes! yes! where is she?”…”she’s in my house. she set off the alarm. cmon”. i took them back to my house just as the police arrived. julie was glad to see her friends but still looked confused. by the end of the encounter she was either so messed up or pulling some kind of elaborate con that i was feeling sorry for her. i wonder if she was mixing alcohol with psych meds? she was talking about being with her ex-bf’s friends and that they had recently broken up. i couldn’t help worrying about her just a little. she was so messed up. i have never been able to get that messed up without passing out. maybe she was mixing energy drinks with alcohol. ive seen that before and it’s not pretty. not even as pretty as passed out!

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2 thoughts on “the intruder

  1. This made me laugh and cringe and say thanks to the universe. When I was in college in Bozeman, MT I was very drunk and thought it would be more fun to visit some friends that had just moved and were near the bar I came out of than go home. I couldn’t remember exactly which duplex it was in the row on the street but then I was pretty sure I got it. They didn’t answer but for some reason I though it was by accident so I went in and called their names. I soon figured out it was the wrk g p,ace and got out of there but I’d been in for a few minutes. No one in Bozeman locked their doors then and everyone had at least one gun. I was so lucky someone didn’t come down and assume I was an intruder (which I was) and shoot me. Hope that incident was once in a lifetime for your intruder.

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    1. yes hopefully but it already wasn’t for us. we were robbed in 2013 (also an amusing story where my wife chased the robber down the street in bare feet and pj’s) i should write that up too. thanks for reading and the comment!

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